Cailet

Cailet is an Epicurean apprentice in the wizardry. She may have been initially elevated to the staff in July of 2014 by Valyn and Cylis (disputed; see the section for Kizayaen-Cailet Controversy) for her latent psychic code powers and cheerfully murderous disposition. Or murderously cheerful disposition. It's sometimes tough to tell the difference.

Known Aliases

• Ebonskaith (player)
• Bale (wizard)
• Kalder (wizard)
• Kizayaen (wizard)
• ashes (inanimate object)

Realmheals

Cailet has two realmheals, the latter of which she refers to as a "flareheal" as it sends up a flare from the room of every player which it heals:

A qualified, board-certified mental healthwiz has healed the realm.  With rockets.  EXPLOSIONS OF LIFE.
A slight floral trace of fresh lavender mixes oddly with the sharp residual odor of explosive.

A colorful flare shoots high into the sky above A Large Cave before exploding into thousands of glittering sparks, which slowly fade as they arc back down to the ground.
A colorful flare shoots high into the sky above Starkeep Grand Hall before exploding into thousands of glittering sparks, which slowly fade as they arc back down to the ground.
A colorful flare shoots high into the sky above Dark Cave Eastern Passage before exploding into thousands of glittering sparks, which slowly fade as they arc back down to the ground.
A colorful flare shoots high into the sky above The Royal Counting House of Astaria before exploding into thousands of glittering sparks, which slowly fade as they arc back down to the ground.
A colorful flare shoots high into the sky above Vestachelon Cemetery before exploding into thousands of glittering sparks, which slowly fade as they arc back down to the ground.
A colorful flare shoots high into the sky above Eerie Clearing before exploding into thousands of glittering sparks, which slowly fade as they arc back down to the ground.
A cheerfully murderous wizard and her limitless bag of rockets have healed the realm.

Kizayaen-Cailet Controversy (disputed)

As best as we can tell from the aftermath, in July of 2014, Kizayaen apparently became bored by the fact that there haven't been enough players on Astaria to start a good drama in like five years, and decided to do something about the fact.

What we do know is that a new apprentice wizard named Cailet was hired, apparently going through none of the usual hiring process and serving no apprentice period, but was elevated to the rank of Elder immediately upon creation. (Despite this, she's listed as an apprentice on the staff list. This may be a way of having extra access/file permissions granted, and may or may not indicate actual wizard status.) VERY shortly afterward, that same night, Kizayaen was deleted.

Rumour suggests that Cailet is that most heinous of historical wizards, a girlfriend who got into the staff based upon her relationship with a high-ranking existing wizard. Kizayaen has also been pretty vocal at times about being the only wizard on staff against his will, and about his alleged misdeeds attempting to get fired. (See his profile page for additional detail describing his being forcefully wizzed under threat of physical violence.)

Almost everything you have just read is a lie.

Projects

In Progress

1. Heuristic algorithmic approaches to meson charge inhibition
2. Nonspecific documentation and wiki enhancement activities

Completed

1. The ronin camp area in Sakai (probation project)
2. Cat and Fiddle Tavern and associated new pub functionality
3. Druid Guild - Some conceptual work, guild hall, Atmosphere powers, gear restrictions, and rune pouch object
4. Fighter Guild - dynamic tabards and guild poses
5. Thief Guild - title system, informant power, tavern update
6. Bard Guild - brew update
7. Kerewinis, the Head Archivist
8. Snipe hunt events and quest
9. "Tune" command update
10. Deathjester Triad mayhems - Dagoyel and Anise
11. September 2008 caravan
12. Several tools used by wizards such as "supertrace" and "scan"
13. Tumbleweeds
14. Fireworks
15. Updates to and takeover of Panic's "Danger Bag" game
16. Burning the Altheon aSTARiaBUCKS, the Weeping Unicorn Inn, and Love's Last Resort to the ground
17. Making the wiki less nonexistent

Uncompleted

1. Thief Guild recode
2. Updated DGD lib (nicknamed "AROA" by wizards and "A4" by players)
3. Deathjester Triad mayhem - the Puppetmaster

Plans

Here the repellent harpies make their nests,
Who drove the Trojans from the Strophades
With dire announcements of the coming woe.
They have broad wings, a human neck and face,
Clawed feet and swollen, feathered bellies; they caw
Their lamentations in the eerie trees.

 - Dante Alighieri
Divina Commedia I, Inferno

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Not because this will get you into Heaven or keep you out of Hell; not
due to your gratitude for the undeserved grace of God; not because you
love Jesus, who asks this of you, or because you're trying to follow his
model of the best of humanity; not because of the law and the prophets
or because of some Kantian or Rawlsian imperative or some utilitarian
calculus.

Simply follow the Golden Rule because it will protect you from becoming
a gaping asshole.

If being gay is a sin, then I'm going straight...

...

... to hell, and flirting with every cute girl on the way.

You catch the snipe with a net spread up in the forest canopy. Take
it alive. Take it home. Poke out its eyes and put it in a small cage.
Force-feed it oats and millet and figs until it has swollen to four
times its normal size. Drown it in brandy. Roast it whole, in an oven
at high heat, for six to eight minutes. Bring it to the table. Place
a cloth -- a napkin will do -- over your head to hide your cruelty
from the sight of God. Put the whole bird into your mouth, with only
the beak protruding from your lips. Bite. Put the beak on your plate
and begin chewing, gently. You will taste three things: First, the
sweetness of the flesh and fat. This is God. Then, the bitterness of
the guts will begin to overwhelm you. This is the suffering of Jesus.
Finally, as your teeth break the small, delicate bones and they begin
to lacerate your gums, you will taste the salt of your own blood,
mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the
organs. This is the Holy Spirit, the mystery of the Trinity: three
united as one. It is cruel. And beautiful.

... Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer,
my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any
resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic.
The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to
hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the
existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god
coefficient.

(A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond
the scope of this article.)

I am a part of the vast wizard conspiracy against you.

Kylan [astaria] hi all
Kylan [astaria] fine be that way then
Zowie [astaria] herro teh Kylan
An apparition [astaria] HELLO KYLAN <3 <3 <3 HOW R U
Kylan [astaria] better now someone spoke to me
An apparition [astaria] please don't hold it against us
An apparition [astaria] we are intimidated by your manly physique and razor sharp poison-coated blade
An apparition [astaria] and clearly you have a fearful temperment which we all wish to be well clear of
An apparition [astaria] we are but mortals
Kylan [astaria] lol, if it was anyone else i would say you are so full of shit :

Fear itself (and by "fear" I mean Kylan) howls in triumph at the death of An apparition (well, sorta mortal anyway)!

Kylan [astaria] rofl

Trivia

Cailet is listed as a contributing author in the seminal white paper "The Wizard Bongay, His Brazen Head and Fearsome Doom: Some Early Lessons Learned."